Monthly Archives: November 2012

Infidelity: Chasing Ghosts

An image of a ghost.

It’s only in your mind.

As before, infidelity has many causes which can lead to disastrous results in a marriage. Lack of safety in a man, or removed virtue from the woman are but two that have been previously discussed, yet I wanted to talk about another cause of infidelity that is just as dangerous and is also more common than the last two mentioned: chasing ghosts.

The concept of ghost chasing in a marriage or any relationship that involves two people with a past has been a burden upon marriages and relationships for eons. It involves simply chasing ghosts, or things that AREN’T REALLY THERE. They are viewed in our mind’s eye and usually manifest from past tragedies within our lives. Past heartbreak, destruction of trusts, or former infidelity from a previous relationship can cause ‘ghosts‘ to appear. Low self-esteem or even a  lack of loving one’s self (these were mine)  can cause ‘ghosts‘ to appear. They begin to haunt a person’s thinking, and can delegate a person’s action within a new relationship. ‘Ghosts‘ can also cause people to choose isolation from a potentially great relationship and/or marriage because the apparitions of the past are too detrimental to let go of.  The graveyard of un-forgiveness becomes filled with these ‘ghosts‘ and potentially can consume the person, and yet he or she doesn’t see that the ghosts are of their OWN CREATION.

How can chasing ghosts cause infidelity? When a person increasingly continues to doubt the others sincerity in the marriage/relationship or commitment to the marriage/relationship, when the accusations won’t stop, when the search for proof of cheating (cell phones, messages, voice-mail  clothing, cars, info from family, friends, co-workers, cubicles, etc…) increases, when the person accused is being stalked or consistently interrogated about their whereabouts, when peace in the relationship or marriage is disrupted by a person’s DESIRE TO FIND HURT AND/OR BE HURT (re-read that last statement because I had to) these examples can cause the accused to say, “if I am already being accused, then I MIGHT AS WELL DO IT!!” Then once the ghost is FINALLY located, (because sometimes, you find what you are searching for, even when it was never there in the first place) the ghost chaser does a I TOLD YOU SO, thus increasing the size of the graveyard of un-forgiveness and increasing the level of emotional and mental instability within their lives.

The process of forgiveness must start within the ghost chaser. He or she MUST:

  • Realize that the person they are accusing is NOT the person who hurt them before, AND
  • Understand that the PAST IS THE PAST (thank you Ty), AND
  • Desire to have a harmonious, loving and peaceful marriage/relationship, AND
  • Seek God and possibly counseling for help and guidance to bury the ghosts once and for all.

Realize, Understand, Desire and Seek.

I pray that this helps someone, because these were my experiences, and I had to overcome them. I will not tell you that ghosts never come back because there are triggers, whether they be on TV, internet, radio, etc… but the key is to realize, understand, desire and seek when they do. As time goes on, the graveyard will become silent once again.

God Bless.

The consuming mind state, part three; arrogance

Arrogance Picture

Arrogance: diseased confidence.

I have found that there are different levels of ignorance in the world. Many are obvious, while others plant themselves deep into the shadows. Arrogance is NOT one that hides, but it wants to be known, and projects itself in any way and every way it can.

The definition of arrogance is and ATTITUDE of SUPERIORITY manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptive ASSUMPTIONS. (The key word in this is ASSUMPTIONS). It is an assumed level of greatness, usually brought on by the most minuscule event or situation.

In the New Testament, the book of Galatians, chapter six, verse three declares that ‘when a man thinks he is SOMETHING when he is NOTHING, that man deceives himself”. It can viewed also as when a man thinks he is something MORE than he is, when he is NOTHING more than WHO he is, he falls into deception; so IF  pride comes BEFORE the fall, then arrogance IS the FALL.

I found that arrogance is when confidence suffers severe infection; it is easy to fall into arrogance, especially when your assurance in yourself is skewed. Now, don’t get me wrong, when I accomplish a task, it does bring up my assurance in myself, or when my son gets good grades in school, or when my wife is rewarded at her job for excellent service, I feel a sense of assurance in them and what they have accomplished in their lives, but since there is NOTHING new under the sun, I also know that they aren’t the only ones in the world that have made this achievement, nor am I.

Lets look at some truths… (keep in mind that I am not talking about anyone in particular; I am only talking about what I am talking about) for those that are suffering from a twisted sense of arrogance in themselves OR in someone else (because we sometimes like to live through the accomplishments of others), you are NOT the only one that:

  • Has a child who made the honor roll this year.
  • Has a child in a professional sport.
  • Has a child who has created something beneficial for the world.
  • Has a celebrity in the family.
  • IS a celebrity.
  • Got a promotion on your job.
  • Has money in the bank.
  • Has that amount of money in the bank.
  • Has purchased an expensive car recently.
  • Has purchased an expensive house recently.
  • Has rich parents or siblings.
  • Is rich.
  • Is well known in the community.
  • Has a attractive spouse/fiance/lover.
  • Has been told that you are attractive by more than two people in your life.
  • Knows how to make love.
  • Has a big penis or breasts.
  • Has been lied to about having the best sex in the world.
  • Knows how to make money.
  • Knows the President of the United States.
  • Met the President of the United States.
  • Is a president/vice president/CEO/COO/CIO etc. of a company.
  • Held a public office seat.
  • Is a prominent figure in the church.
  • Tithed that much recently.
  • Is the choir director or key member of the choir.
  • Can play a musical instrument in the church.
  • Knows scripture (memorization not application).
  • Can pray.
  • Knows how to sing.
  • Has a family member that knows how to sing.
  • Knows how to rap.
  • Knows how to make/write/produce music.
  • Can lift that much weight.
  • Can run that far.
  • Can jump that high.
  • Can fight.
  • Can shoot a gun.
  • Lost that much weight.
  • Saved someone’s life.

Now, these examples may be out of place, but I was writing as they came to me. These are but a few that I figured would get my point across. Like before, just talking about what I am talking about, so if ANY of these are YOU, it was not my intent to focus on you, so don’t get mad at me if  I happened to pull your card; I pulled mine too. I may add more if they come to me, so check back for more.

God bless.

The consuming mind state, part two; depression.

A sad mind state

Sadness consumes…

In the previous writing, we discussed the consuming mind state of hatred, which could be considered the most destructive mind state that a person could be in because of how far the damage could go, yet I have found that depression is just as dangerous; its effect can spread from one person to the next, like a plague, and become an epidemic to those around the person depressed. It can cause great turmoil in everyone’s life that it touches, and what is worse, is that most don’t even know it’s happening. It can imitate many other things, like frustration, or an addiction as well as feed and nurture the addiction or issue of frustration in a persons life.

Like hatred, depression is usually caused by a host of different events, like a tragedy, mis-communication, abuse, lack of self love, self worth, or self understanding. It starts small, yet can end up engulfing a persons whole being until its goal is accomplished; to destroy the person utterly.It shows no mercy, and even though there are so many different anti-depressant drugs and treatments out there, can not be cured, especially when the person has no real connection with its origin. Now, I do agree with the medical world in stating that depression is a ‘disease’; as my mother would say, it is dis-easing to your health, to your family and to your life.

The word depression, is actually three words in one:

  • The prefix, DE- is from the Latin origin, which means negative.
  • The word PRESS- means to apply weight or pressure.
  • The suffix ION- from the Latin origin as well, means, the action of, or condition of.

So if we look at this, depression is an action of applying negative weight or pressure in our thinking, which can result in the slowing of our daily activities, our interactions with others and whatever we are involved in. It is an anchor to our spirit and causes us to lose faith, hope and energy, and if not dealt with can place us in a suicidal place because what is depressions ultimate goal?

For those of you that have not dealt with a severe form of depression and wonder why people do commit suicide, understand that it is NOT necessarily because they WANT to die; it is because LIVING becomes so HARD that they want whatever relief they can find, and usually this is where the Enemy comes into play. the option of death at that point seems like the ONLY option to take. The intensity of the pain, and hopelessness becomes too great to see any other way out, and that is ALL you want; a way out. Yes, I have been down the path, and there are MANY paths that the Enemy can take you on, but the destination is always the same, to destroy you utterly.

So how can a person defeat this mind state or dis-ease? Besides the medical assistance to help squelch the physical infection of depression, one can find healing through PRAYER, SUPPORT from loved ones, and a knowledge that even though you FEEL, FEEL, FEEL, FEEL, FEEL alone, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. The biggest trick of the Enemy is to convince you that there is no way out and that no one cares and that you are by yourself in your pain. That is FAR from true. The Word of God (The new testament, Hebrews Chapter 13, verse 5) declares that ‘He will NEVER leave you, nor forsake you’, so in that aspect alone, there is hope. There is also many different support groups setup to give a person a sense of hope through an open ear and open heart. God has placed many people in this world out there to counteract the Enemy’s terror of depression, so healing IS possible.

I encourage anyone dealing with this mind state to seek God, seek hope and seek the help that God has provided through others. NEVER GIVE UP.

The consuming mind states- Part one, hatred.

Take a moment to think about how fire works; there are three elements that MUST be present in order for fire to manifest: heat, oxygen and fuel. Without any one of the items, fire can NOT be produced. Yet with the creation of fire, it can either provide a source of comfort and even life, or it can destroy all in its path. It has the ability to POSITIVELY and NEGATIVELY affect a persons life, so it presents a sense of balance.

With the subject of consuming mind states, hatred, which I believe to be the most extreme of the different states of mind, like fire does require certain elements to be triggered. In contrast, the elements (mis-communication, jealousy, tragedy, dis-agreements, confusion, prejudice, and abuse for example) are not needed in conjunction for hatred to be ignited. Any one of the aforementioned can create a mind state of hatred within a person. Also, once hatred is ignited, the mind state has NO real positive effect; it only consumes and destroys everything it touches. Now hate can SOMETIMES hurt the hated with a violent or malicious act, yet hate ALWAYS hurts the hater. He or she will become engulfed in the hatred, as it requires major amounts of thought and energy to survive, never giving anything back but more hatred to feed. Hatred can also cause mental and physical ailments that can, in time, completely consume what I deem as the ‘Willing Victim’.

Let’s look at a fictional character called ‘The Blob’. I remember the first movie that was made about this alien from another planet, who was found by a farmer on his land. Once it latched on to the farmer, it began to feed off the farmer, until it fully absorbed him. From there, its appetite turned to any and everyone in the town, eventually absorbing hundreds of people increasing in size and ferocity as the movie went on. The people soon defeated it, but not without massive loss of life and resources. Hatred, unlike the blob, is not alien, but a native mind state that like the blob, latches on to the person who triggers it and soon absorbs them. Then it attempts to absorb everyone else it comes in contact with and leaves a wake of destruction in families, businesses, and in the community as a whole.

It is Love’s total opposite, yet with love, peace, understanding, communication, forgiveness, and especially prayer, hate can be frozen in it tracks, just like the blob. Avoid the blob of hate in your life, and remember… God bless.