In 2008, I was blessed; at that time, you could NOT have EVER convinced me of it. March 18 was the day I lost my mother; many would not believe that I was told by God of the day, yet the lack of belief would not lessen its truth. I thought I was tripping that God would take time to tell me that the woman, the person who I thought was the ONLY person in the WORLD that actually loved me was being taken; why would God place such suffering on me and bring such cruelty to my life. I cursed God for it at the time… I was beyond grief-stricken, and desiring to follow her to the other side because I knew that that was it for me; game over.
Me and my mother were kindred spirits; we had such a super-strong connection, and what we shared went WAY beyond the realm of love; it became undefinable. I made many mistakes throughout our relationship, as she did as well, yet it was never enough to even shake my love for her, and her for me. She supported me, and I her; through our toughest times, we were WITH each other, and shared in the joys and pains of life. We laughed, cried, argued, and had deep intense conversations about God, which would go on for hours. We tried to explore the deepest realms of God’s Word and God’s existence. We spoke upon the most controversial and DANGEROUS ideas when it came to Christ and the Master’s time and teachings; these moments were ours and ours alone.
At the time, I knew that God had some plan for my life, yet I could never really place my thoughts on it, but she knew very well that there was something that I was supposed to do. She did not know the whole purpose, yet she knew that there was a great purpose for me when it came to ministry. I was, unfortunately, too busy trying to be something that I was never meant to be, and between the conversations about God and developing a more intimate relationship with God, as she was doing, I was not. One day, she sat me down and asked me a powerful question; “when your back is against the wall, and there is no one there BUT you and God, are you willing to stand?” At that point, I was so turned around, and being that I had never read the Word of God with great conviction, and honestly did NOT think I ever had to, I answered with a resounding, YES! She followed up with, “are you sure?” I answered YES again, feeling a sense of arrogance because I thought I understood the question. She then laughed a bit and sat back in her chair and said, “we’ll see”.
Years before her death, I had answered what I thought was a calling upon my life (Take a moment to reference A testimony: When God chose me, I had no choice….) If I had taken time to take the Word of God seriously, I would have known the importance and seriousness of what I had promised to do. (Ecclesiastes ch.5:v.4). She would always tell me that “this ain’t nothing to play with”, and I didn’t see it until her passing in 2008. When God finally called her home, and this is where the real blessing began, He replaced her with Himself as the forefront of my life… this is why now, when I say ‘Giving honor to God who is the head of my life’, I MEAN what I say. I could no longer rely on her for my answers… she went to God for them anyway. I couldn’t lean on her when I hurt, I could no longer ask for her advice or guidance, nor could I hide behind her as I did when I was a little boy. I could no longer seek her love to supplement my own for myself. I made a vow, and God kept His part… it was now time for me to pay up.
To sum up, Dorothy Agnew McCoy held a GREAT place in my life and when she left, she took a great deal of me with her; I am thankful that it was nothing that God could not replace with an abundance. I can honestly say, as I cry while I write this, that my loss was God’s gain, and with that He filled me with a passion to be the best for His Will that I can be.