Easter Inspirations


I know it was the blood for me.

Do not fall prey to the commercialism of the day; children are growing up thinking that this day is about colored eggs, a whole lot of sugar products, a rabbit and nothing else.

Also, many non-believers do not celebrate this time of the year because of its representation, which is the resurrection of the Christ, yet will buy out their children with colored eggs, a whole lot of sugar products, a stuffed rabbit and call it a day.

I encourage you, my beloved readers to take a moment and reverence the blessings that God has brought into your lives and the lives of your family, which is not only the resurrection of Jesus, but also the favor that that has bestowed upon each and ever one of us, even those who choose not to believe. If you can not think of any, let me share one that we all can share: if you can read this, you are blessed.

Happy Easter!!!!

(Matthew chapters 26-28)

Twelve days to glory- Summation


To live is Christ…

To my beloved readers: some of you may see what I have written about my journey with my mother as an exegesis of grief regarding the sorrow of loss. That is only a small part of the purpose behind the blog entries. I also know that many may not be able to read what I have written because of the pain it may bring back to your own remembrance if you lost a mother, father, sister, brother, wife, husband, child, or anyone that was dearest to your heart and life. To that, I do understand, because what this writing experience brought forth has not been felt for many years.

It took me time to force a lot of what unearthed while writing this to the recesses of my mind… the uncontrolled weeping, feeling of failure, wanting to end the pain by ending my life, the lowliness… all of it, yet I wrote it to signify the greatness of God and to advise those who read this to focus love FIRST on God.

We tend to think that it is admirable to focus intense and full-on love upon our relatives or those who we add to our lives FIRST, then; maybe, love God with what’s left. We say we love that person, ‘more than ourselves’ or ‘more than anything’, unknowing that we set ourselves up for the level of pain that has taken the lives of so many in our past.

We use this ‘love‘ to manage our relationships with each other, or control the lives of others because we EXPECT satisfaction for all the ‘love‘ we invest into that person, only to be rewarded with disappointment and a deep inner loss when it is not reciprocated, or the person leaves us to join the countless others that have entered the grave.

We twist the ‘love‘ concept to the point of madness and then blame ‘love‘ for our failings or shortcomings or true lack of understanding of what ‘love‘ is and its source. These are the things that I have done with my momma.

My love for my momma was real to me, yet empty because I never truly tapped into the source of ‘love‘. I followed suit behind so many in the world, and relied upon her to teach me about love, and to love me even though I didn’t. I placed the burden of my inner responsibilities and created my own hell from it all which tried to collect at the time of her passing. I was so overwhelmed with regret, self-loathing, and failure because I was not prepared to love ME that I saw the only way out was death. It took the loss of everything I held dear to realize that I had never held on to anything at all… I expected others to hold ME and I just skate along for the ride.

I never took the time to seek ‘love‘. Not too many people ever do. We think that if we utter the word that we are inherently knowledgeable of the power of it or the source of it, yet we go through live just ‘loving‘ without form nor purpose. It is like being thirsty with nothing but an empty cup that we try to fill with the spit from our mouths, even though there is a pitcher FULL OF WATER sitting right in front of us.

So what am I getting at? Love is right there; it is God and God alone. In order to establish a love that will never end, never die, never fail, never leave, never betray, never try to manipulate, nor never become misguided or misdirected, it MUST begin between God and you. Once established, then it can be shared with others with a sense of confidence that it is genuine and unable to be thwarted by the words and/or actions of others. The Enemy nor death can shake it. It allows healing from loss and tragedy to be achieved through prayer. The Word of God tells us to FIRST love God with all our heart soul and might… THEN share this with the rest of the world, not the other way around.

I conclude this series with this: love from God, with God, through God and by God. Look to His essence of love to find your way, and when tragedy comes, the love you have will not die for those you love through God. The pain will come yet no scars will form; the loss of their love will be felt, yet the remembrance of the Divine love shared will become the comfort. With God, weeping truly will only endure for the night, but Joy is the reward when the sun shines upon your life.

May God bless you.

(Deuteronomy ch.4:vs. 29, Psalms ch.30:vs.5,  Mark ch.12:vss.30-31)

Expanding our Spiritual vocabulary- wrest

The word is wrest. Pronounced \rest\. It is a verb, and is defined as

To take away by force.

Used in a sentence: As the Enemy continues to wrest the faith from the hearts and minds of God’s people, we who understand must focus our love and  prayers towards those who have been consistently deceived by the Enemy’s illusions.

(Matthew ch.5:vss.44-48)

Prayer in dire need

I am sure that I am not the only one to post this, yet I feel it needs revisiting. it is becoming more known that educational officials are considering allowing certain faculty to carry guns into the facilties and classrooms of our children.

Prayer, a powerful tool for our youth to practice and learn of its importance in their lives was first stripped. Then, the Enemy began to inject a replacement by causing havoc in the schools which then lead to a decision that has the potential to cause more harm than good. Protection is a factor, yet this has nowhere to go but down.

Have they really thought it through? They say they haven’t released the names of the people who will be carrying the concealed weapons, but that won’t last long. Nothing that man thinks or does lasts long, so the Enemy will make sure the people know.

The possibilties of destruction are endless. Another example of trying to solve a problem without God. I have NO FAITH in man’s ability, so stay tuned…

(Proverbs ch. 16:vss. 25-32)

God, for the sake of the innocent… take the cup from the hands of the people who would fill it with the poison of the Enemy and try to force others to drink of it with false promises and even more false outcomes. Our needs are many… Amen.

Expanding our Spiritual vocabulary- insouciance AND daven

Two words: insouciance and daven. Pronounced \in-SOO-see-uhns\ and \DAH-vuhn\. Insouciance is a noun and daven is a verb.

Insouciance is defined as

lack of care or concern; indifference.

Daven is defined as

To pray.

Using both in a sentence: The worlds severe insouciance of faith has caused the Enemy’s will to flourish. As we daven less and less, the potential for destruction increases more and more.

(Ezekiel ch.7:v.25)

Twelve Days to Glory- Finality


To live is Christ…

Monday, March 17, 2008-

Her body weight had dropped tremendously by now, because she was not able to eat. The body fed upon itself in order to sustain, yet it was fading faster now than before. Each day before this was a reality check for me; as I tried to take time to prepare for the inevitable, it was like I was visiting her for the first time. All I knew is that I had to find some way to strengthen myself, and at that point, I was NOT looking at the source of my help for help; I was spiritually confused and greatly preoccupied with my tribulations.

There were moments on this day where momma tried to leave… three times while I was there. I will try to explain the best I can; I was holding her hand, talking to her, others were in the room the first and second time. She started breathing heavily and hurriedly for a while and then, she stopped. I remember feeling a great pull of some sort that was beyond any physical ‘feeling’ that I had experienced before. It was like I was being taken, but not taken out of my seat. This felt like it went on for minutes, but in truth, it happened almost instantly. Those in the room asked what was wrong, and I answered, ‘I don’t know. Something just happened.’ Of course they didn’t know what I was talking about. Even I was unsure, at first what happened. All I knew is that it was something that I did NOT like.

The second time was MUCH stronger; my cousin was holding her other hand, yet she felt nothing when it happened. I felt like I was being dragged out of my seat into the air; I asked her did she feel that since she was holding her hand, she said she didn’t feel anything. After they left, it was just me and momma, and at that time, I tried to let go of her before it happened again go because I couldn’t take it. It was too much and I thought that it was because I was holding her hand each time she stopped breathing that caused it… I wasn’t strong enough. It was like my hand was fused to hers. The last time was the strongest, and it was so intense that it touched me at the core of my being. It felt like I was pulled out of the room, yet my body never left the chair. Was I high? Drunk? None of it.

At the time, I didn’t know that what was happening was momma’s inner spirit was trying to leave that body because it was close to her time. I was hindering that because as long as I was in the room, she was gonna have to take me with her because I wasn’t ready to let go of any of it… she and I have always been kindred spirits even though we were mother and son. We shared a bond that was stronger than love and could no longer be classified correctly. It flourished as we lived; even through my moments of stupidity, selfishness, arrogance, and ignorance, she loved me. Even when I told her I hated her, she loved me. Even when I broke her heart, over and over and over again… she loved me. She was what I defined love after and thought that NO ONE loved me except her… even when I didn’t love myself. She was the only person that I allowed my love to free fall with. I trusted all of what I knew was love in her… yet that was NOT the way. She knew it, but I didn’t then.

See, beloved readers, it seems admirable and sweet to love a person so completely, yet this is a love that MUST START BETWEEN YOU AND GOD FIRST!!! It is how the love becomes purified, clarified, intensified, justified and fortified. THEN you share that with others. As before, I was spiritually confused.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008-

I came home to change clothes and head back to the hospital, but I was not unable to leave. Something kept me there… I heard Spirit say, do not leave… not yet. I just kept pacing the hallway for what seemed to be hours. Then, at 2:35pm, the phone rang. It was the nurse. She was gone. She was gone… GONE. I couldn’t tell her goodbye… I wasn’t able to tell her I loved her just one more time, or that I was sorry for all that I put her through and failing because I wasn’t strong enough. All she left me was the shell. Even though I knew this was coming, even though I KNEW she was going to die, it was like I JUST FOUND OUT! It was like I had no clue it was happening and someone called me to tell me that my momma was gone.

I rushed to the hospital after I called my daddy and brother; it is SO hard to drive in such distress, but thank God I made it without killing myself or someone else; but now I know she was with me. I kept hearing her voice telling me that it was okay. That she was okay. But I kept replying that I was NOT okay. They didn’t move her until I got there… she looked like she was sleeping. Her body was ice cold… I just rubbed her face and tried not to lose all of my mind, as they led us out of the room so that they could prepare her for her transfer to the funeral home. I had to sign documents and get business done because it was up to me to do this. I don’t even know how I made it through any of that, but I did make it.

To be concluded…