Infidelity: the unsafe man

There are many different reasons that people commit infidelity, or adultery within their marriage. I am not going to focus on the well known reasons, but I want to talk about one that many are completely unaware of.

I am not here to promote infidelity, yet this reason actually affected me, and I had no idea of existence, until recently. It also has biblical significance, as it is with the majority of what I write. In the New Testament, the book of Mark, Chapter 10, Jesus spoke with the Pharisees in regards to divorce and in verses six and seven, he speaks that God made them man and woman, and that the man should let go of his mother and father and cling to his wife.

Now, when a man lets go of someone or something that made him feel SAFE, to connect with something else, his desire for SAFETY goes with him. When a man marries his wife, he sub-consciously invokes the need of safety from his wife. It is not about physical safety, mind you. The safety lies in the emotional aspect of his relationship. he wants to know that when the day is over, she has his back, she will protect his character and integrity from all forces outside of their marriage. It does not mean that she allows his ignorance or even stupidity to go unchecked, but the essence of her husband is safe in her hands.

When we are little, and were out with our mothers, for instance, and a stranger came up, we would hide behind our mother for safety. We didn’t know the intention of the person in front of us, nor did we know the person, so we sought out SAFETY from our mother in the situations.Even as we grow, we seek out SAFETY from our mother or father usually in when our characters are at stake, and once a potential life partner comes into play, and we decide to shift our focus to the realm of marriage, she becomes our SAFETY net.

So what happens when he begins to feel UNSAFE in his marriage? When his character and integrity is jeopardized by the one who is supposed to be his wife? When she speaks ill of him to friends and family, when she speaks ill of him in his face? When in her anger, places him emotionally and mentally in harms way? When he can no longer depend on her to have his back? He seeks out the safety he yearns for… sometimes, he reverts back to the ‘momma’s boy‘ phase, especially when momma is there. He clings to her leg like the child that he was and face it, is momma going to deny him her protection?

When momma is not around, he seeks SAFETY in someone else and this can easily lead to infidelity which becomes the catalyst to divorce. (Now this is not a subject of a one sided blame because if the man gives her a REASON to not keep him safe, then that takes it to a whole new level, and that is another subject in itself, so we will just be focusing here on the what happens when the man no longer feels safe.)

This phenomenon is rarely if ever focused on or discussed because of the subtlety of its nature, yet its validity is no less genuine. So, safety is something that everyone seeks out in their lives, whether it be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. The shared responsibility of both people within a relationship is to provide a form of safety that can strengthen the relationship in the long run. When that provision is broken or no longer is in play, the relationship suffers and can end up failing, so take a moment to assess your standing with the one you love. Do you know if he feels SAFE with you?